Anyone who knows me well, knows I love all things British. The Scots, the English, the Welsh. I don't discriminate. I love their accents, the cute boys :), pubs, English football, The Royal Family (Queenie!), Harry Potter. Love, love, love it all. When we traveled to Paris, we did spend a day in London because at the time, I didn't know when or if I would ever cross the Pond again. London was a bucket list item. Check, check!
So super friend Susie and I started researching a trip to Europe and before we knew it, Edinburgh was also on our list. Then we talked to super friend Brenda and she and husband Steve were in on the London part. And how could I go without super travel friend Elena? We were set. Susie and I would start off in Edinburgh for the weekend and then we would travel by train through the English countryside (Swoon!) and meet the rest of our companions in London for the week. I was going back to Europe six months after Paris. How did that even happen?
We land in Edinburgh, Scotland and I was instantly in love. The Scottish people are so warm and friendly. We had perfect weather. We walked the Royal Mile to Edinburgh Castle, went up to the Scottish Highlands in search of the Loch Ness monster (I think Nessie found Susie! Winding bus ride?). I saw a Hammish in person, and the highlight: Seeing the coffee shop where J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter. (Insert nerd comments here). Scotland won my heart more than I thought was ever possible. More than London (gasp!). Yes I do think so. It's the great outdoors! (That's for you Susie!), but off we go.
Next stop London. Our train ride was magical. I felt like I was going to Hogwarts! (Harry Potter references not done yet). We arrive into Kings Cross station (I refrained from taking a picture of platform 9and 3/4, mainly because I didn't want to walk over with all my luggage.) The rest of our friends arrived and the lovely memories started. We packed in so much in that week, I look exhausted in my pictures. The sign of a good vacation I guess. We traveled to Stonehenge, Bath and Salisbury Castle. We witnessed the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, relished the gardens at Kensington Palace. I was in awe at the beauty and history of Westminster Abbey and the Tower of London, and treated to a spectacular view of London from the London Eye. Abbey Road was a dream come true. Leicester Square. Piccadilly Circus. Trafalgar Square. Notting Hill. So many dreams fulfilled while surrounded by my best friends. Yet I was not happy, and I take full responsibility.
I was still connected. I was in my head the entire time in London. I was home in a marriage that didn't exist anymore. This unfortunately had to be my lesson in living in the present moment. I impeded my own enjoyment of my dream because I was so stuck that I didn't make this trip with my husband. That it should have been him. I was with my best friends of more than fifteen years and it wasn't enough. I was wrong though. It was more than enough. It was everything. I look at my photos now that decorate my room, and I can see it in my face in almost every photo. I was not present. I was sad. I was mourning. I was surrounded by so much love and I took it for granted. For that I apologize to the people who love me the most. Perhaps they didn't even realize what had happened in London, but I know.
I celebrated my 36th birthday the day we came home. My divorce would be final in September. My husband officially moved out for good in June. It has been a year since all of this happened and I know if I took that London trip today, every place I visited would probably be as if I was seeing it for the first time. Again. I would be present. There is no other time. The past is over, the future is never guaranteed. The only time there is is now. I have learned to make the most of the now moment. It is all I have. It is all that exists. My love exists now. For my friends, for the time of my life that lives now in my memory that I can look at not with regret, but with awe in what I have experienced. That is my feeling. Now.
Love to all,
D
Now I want to go to England.
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