Making Requests

I was privileged to experience one of the most amazing weekends I have had in a long time. One that will forever be filed in my memory as a time when I really got to know some aspects of myself that I had been asleep to for awhile. I was in the presence of an extremely loving community who was willing to open their hearts, minds and welcome new friends and embrace old ones. It was truly a gift and I am grateful for the opportunity.

I enjoy observing people and their interactions with others. It is one of my favorite things to do. I could sit in an airport for hours and do this. People are magnificent. If they could only see what I see. I get the opportunity to do this more often these days, as I often go to functions that interest me, alone. I'm not shy and I will talk to anyone, but I like being an observer best.

So my weekend began on Friday. I had signed up months ago for the workshop which was scheduled for Saturday and Sunday. A movie screening of a documentary film that I had been wanting to see came up for Friday, and I wanted to go. My super friend Kathy and I had spent the day at the spa and grabbed a quick dinner. We had planned to see a movie together, but when this came up, she understood the importance for me and sent me off to Venice with her blessing and for that I am grateful. The film "May I Be Frank" follows the transformation of a man in food, thoughts and love. It was very powerful and a perfect start to the weekend. Now I am certainly pumped for what else the fine folks at Cafe Gratitude in San Francisco, have in store for us in L.A. this weekend. I leave the screening feeling excited for more!

The next morning Brenda and I set out on this adventure together. We were amazed by the love and openness of all the people in this community. The energy was magical. We learned some tools that we continue practicing today. I am grateful that she chose to come along on this journey with me and check it out with an open mind, and that I can look to her for support with my continuing transformation. I love you for it Bren! I also can't wait to share what I am learning with all my other super friends, especially Erika, Susie and Kathy! I am overwhelmed with passion and love!

On Sunday, I am venturing back to Venice alone, and I am so distracted all the way there. What am I expecting that is different? Without Brenda, I am feeling scared and unsure. Even though we didn't partner up together on Saturday, I guess I still felt like she was my security blanket. There were some intense emotions being shared, and I was afraid of what would be showing up today. I have also not mentioned that a huge source of my daily inspiration has been present all weekend. It is because of his introduction to this community that I am here. This is also making me nervous. What if he sits next to me? What if we have to partner? What will he think about me? I make up all sorts of stories. I am not focused. I won't be getting what I want out of this workshop. Thankfully we start the day with a clearing to remove distractions, and it works for me! I got present to why I was there. Awesome!

As the day goes on, we are presented with more tools, and one particularly struck a chord with me. It was about making requests. Making requests? Did I even know what that meant? It is not often that I make requests of people. And as the talk continued, I realized that it was something that I rarely did in my marriage. Why not? I knew exactly why. If I make a request, then the other person might say no. So what? So they say no? What is the big deal right? The realization came to be that when I hear no, it is so much more than a two letter, one syllable word. We were given an assignment as we broke for lunch. We were going to practice making requests, so we were to think of a request to make of someone. Now I was unclear if we were going to have to do this upon returning from lunch. So I proceeded to walk to the Venice boardwalk to get some lunch. I find a place to get a garden burger, and I sit down to eat my lunch and think about making requests. What could I ask of who? The source of my inspiration comes to mind, but what could I request of him? So then I think how I ask my students if you could spend ten minutes with someone who inspires you, who would that be, what would you say and how would you feel? Well I have been around him all weekend. Why not ask? And then it happened. My throat started to swell up, tears filled my eyes, and my mind had taken over. "Are you crazy? Who are you? He will look at you and think you are ugly, fat, stupid! Why would he want to spend one second talking to you!" I am now crying in my garden burger. I can't eat anymore. I walk out and call Brenda sobbing at the realization that had occurred. I don't make requests because if the answer was to be no, that is what I hear. The internal dialogue that had just gone through my head. I made up that he would think all these things about me, when I knew realistically that he wouldn't and would more than likely grant my requests. I spent nine years in a marriage doing this. Nine years not even wanting to request a place to go to dinner. I always let him chose. Because if we went somewhere I suggested and it wasn't a good experience for him then it would be my fault! Wow! Powerful! So I asked Brenda if she thought I should. After some debate, she said yes, I should! So I go back to the workshop, and we were moving on to something else. Now my makeup has all washed off my face! And for what?

The workshop wraps up and people start filing out. My weekend of transformation has ended. I exchange hugs and emails with new friends and gather my bag. My inspiration has people approaching him, so I debate, should I ask him anyway? It was my most powerful breakthrough all weekend. Shouldn't I practice? I argue with myself for another ten minutes, and I decide to make the request. Would he listen to my story for a few minutes? The worst he can say is no. And if he does, I am not all the negative things that I make up about myself. It is only no.

I make the request, He says yes and focuses himself completely with those disarming, huge green eyes of his looking straight into mine. Ready, waiting, listening. I am still a girl standing in front of a boy that really does it for her, so I quickly re-focus. I explain to him how he showed up for me over the past year. Over and over during a year that saw the most difficult things I've ever had to face. I share what he has meant to me and that it was my belief that it was all to arrive at this weekend. I acknowledged him for being so open with his life and his community. By this time we were holding hands tightly and I have no idea when that happened. Then we hugged in a tighter embrace than I ever would have expected from him. I made him up as extraordinary and I still make him up that way. All weekend he was just another person on the journey like the rest of us. A transformation that is as important to him as it is to me. We shared some other words. And there it was: Request made and granted and I felt so empowered! I am now aware that I shouldn't be afraid to make requests of those that I love. Be it a stranger or my partner. We are all on this journey of life together. No is okay. But I bet there will be a lot more yeses in life. I know that I can be one of them!

I am grateful for all the Kindred Spirits who have showed up for me and all those that will. Be Kind. Be Love.

Love Abounding Darlene