NYC

Next stop travel to: The Empire State. NYC. What more is there to say? Blog done.

But seriously. New York City was almost a surreal experience. We jammed more into one weekend than should have been humanely possible. Sometimes I try to recollect the weekend, and I'm stumped. Was I there?

I absolutely was. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of!

So, I came back from Paris and super friend Susie was planning a trip to New York, did I want to go? Uh...yes! The best part is that we were going to do this super cheap! Airfare was a steal and we rented an apartment in Manhattan. Not only was I going to New York, but no fancy hotels for us! We were living amongst the heart of the city; the people!

Elena (super travel friend, you've met her before!) and I took a red eye the first weekend in December, and arrived into JFK at 6am and we didn't stop until we boarded our flight back to Cali on Sunday night. Amazing!

First stop was Serendipity for some frozen hot chocolate. Yum!


The rest of the day was a blur. I know we took photos outside Holly Golightly's apartment (Breakfast at Tiffany's, one of my all time fav movies). We walked and walked. I think we went to the Empire State Building that night. I was on a quest to pay hommage to every romantic comedy ever filmed in the city. So of course I took my Sleepless in Seattle photo.

Next day, we toured Central Park, which has quickly become one of my favorite places on the planet. It wouldn't have been complete without a hot dog and a stroll through the Park. I now have a special love for the flea invested, probably rabid rodent squirrels that inhabit the park. They are so cute! We ate a fabulous dinner in a pub in Greenwich, and it began to snow! For these California girls, it was a sight to see. There was a wine night here in our cool little fourth floor apartment. A lot of laughter, friendship, love...so much fun.


Our last day, we took a boat in the freezing weather to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. What a powerful experience! It was the perfect day despite the cold. I loved New York. Every minute of it. I love big cities. I can feel so connected and yet so invisible at once. We talked about this being an annual event. I could get behind that. I hadn't felt so free and genuinely happy in quite some time. I saw my life in a different light and the possibilities that were there waiting for me to start living.



When I returned home, I started divorce proceedings. I would officially file in March 2009. It was time. The world was enticing me with what could be. It was possible that I could start living life for me.


What a novel idea!

Smile on my face

You put a smile on my face. Your words and thoughts speak to me in ways I can only feel and not express accurately. You make my heart sing and overflow with love. I relish the feeling, and I can't stop smiling. Feeling good. I am grateful for you, my brother, my lover, my soul. Thank you for loving me. I love you back!

Spring...

My favorite day of the year has arrived! I have been celebrating the first day of spring for many, many years now. I am a Spring baby, perhaps that is why I love the day so much! It also symbolizes other things to me. It is the season that I am most aware of out Mother Earth. The green in the hills, the vibrant colors of spring flowers, beautiful sky blue skies and gentle breezes, make me feel as if the Earth is cleansing itself from the harshness of winter. It is a time of re-birth and I embrace this idea fully in my life as well. I gain tremendous joy in the beauty of the days, and am grateful for what our Mother has to offer. It is during this time that I feel the most restless, but also the most inspired. So I am off to celebrate and welcome the season! Happy first day of Spring! May your gardens grow, your tulips bloom and your caterpillars become butterflies! Embrace life and Be Love.




In Joy,
D

Spirit in the Sky

Every person that we encounter has the ability to touch our heart and spirit. Whether it be through a smile, a kind word or a lengthy story, our greatest teachers are those who surround us. I am an eager student ready to learn whatever life presents me.

That was my perception of Dr. Bill.

Dr.Bill was what most of us called him. When I first met him, I addressed him as Dr. Nelson. He immediately corrected me. "Bill," he said humbly. That was my first encounter with his humility, definitely not my last.

He loved his students. He loved teachers. He loved flying. He loved skiing. He loved life.

When I first began at ROP, I had the privilege of having my desk in what was known as "Dr. Bill's trailer". And that is exactly what it was: A trailer situated apart from the main building, in a dirt lot with a huge tree providing shade for our tin can. I was happy to have my desk in the trailer. Our "trailer trash" crew consisted of Emelia, Camina, Sue, Tim, me and of course Dr. Bill! On warm spring afternoons, we would open the doors and windows, letting the breeze sweep through. We would celebrate Yabba Dabba Doo Fridays as Tim's radio tuned to KRTH counted it down for us. Our work environment was stellar. We all loved Dr. Bill and his trailer.

I was not yet a teacher then, but I saw many walk through the door to talk to Bill, and what I saw was respect in their eyes and kind words spoken from their mouths. When he spoke to his teachers about the programs and especially, the students, his whole body lit up with the passion he felt. It was contagious.

We eventually moved to a nice, proper office, and while we were grateful for the new digs, the six of us mourned our beloved trailer. We would be exchanging sunlight for fluorescent light. Summer breezes for air conditioning. Treks across the parking lot to use the bathroom in the rain for indoor plumbing. And of course our friends separating to their like departments. We would miss our trailer and our camaraderie.

In the new halls of our office, I would often run into Dr. Bill, and as always, he had a smile or a joke to offer. Our exchanges would often go like this:

"Stay out of trouble," he would smile and wink.
"But trouble finds me Dr. Bill," and I would gesture at him.

He knew I was a huge Beatles fan, so he would often see me at a distance and say "Wait, I think there goes Paul McCartney!" To which I would pretend to hurry in that direction or I would say, "Watch my stuff. I'll be right back."

I am going to miss those exchanges, his good humor and his infectious grin.

I am not unique. Everyone he touched in his life has stories like these. Aren't we all so lucky?

Though he has left our physical world, his spirit will continue to live in all of us. He is skiing on the slopes of heaven and flying his airplane through the rainbows of our dreams. I am grateful that his spirit will always be there to fly with mine.

I know that Paul McCartney will always be roaming around the halls of ROP, so in the meantime, Dr. Bill: Will you say hi to John and George for me?

In Spirit, In Joy,
Darlene

Spirit

It seems that I am looking for lessons everywhere I turn these days. I am hyper aware of the people I come in contact with, the surroundings I am in and of course the meaning behind the experiences. I know it can be annoying, so I apologize to my friends. Sorry.

So when I attended a concert on February 27th in Long Beach, I knew I would be doing this again, and I certainly wasn't disappointed.

The night was a success before I even experienced it. I made up that it would be.

And how could I be disappointed? I was taking my niece to her first grown up concert to see her favorite singer Jason Mraz. She had written an essay in school that had moved me into action. When asked who she would like to meet if she could meet anyone, she chose aforementioned musician. A rather grown up choice, since her peers were writing about Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. She had watched a live chat that Jason had done in November and surprised me by how much she retained from that interview. From the name of his cat to his love for surfing and hula hooping. She also wrote of how he inspired her. Now I gain a lot of inspiration from Jason as well, but I don't recall ever saying that to her. Needless to say I was moved, so I arranged for a meet and greet with him and front row seats to the concert.

Music is an integral part of my life, and that of my family. My nine year old niece also knows the words to most Beatles songs and that the famous quartet consists of John, Paul, George and Ringo. I wanted to make sure that this experience did not become an expectation for her. I wanted her to know that this was more than just a concert. It was to raise funds and awareness for spinal cord injuries through the Life Rolls On foundation founded by Jesse Billauer. I have been a supporter of the Surfrider Foundation for many years at which I had seen Jesse at some events, so I also became a supporter of Life Rolls On. My brother and I explained to her about the foundation and about Jesse's injury, and how he overcame the obstacles to surf again. We explained that he was a quadrapelegic and is in a wheelchair to which she responds "like Stephen Hawking" (??????). Precocious yes, with a heart of gold.

I would like to acknowledge Jason Mraz for how amazing he was with her. She had made him a card as well as giving him a copy of her essay, and he seemed genuinely grateful for the gifts. Her favorite part was the "big bear hug" he gave her. Also my gratitude goes to him as well. I don't have any children, and I have resigned myself to the fact that motherhood may not be in the cards for me, and that is okay. I have my niece, whose own mother is absent in her life, so we serve a purpose for each other :). But watching her with Jason, the moment was all about her, and after we parted, I couldn't hold back the tears. For the first time, I felt what it was like to be a mom. Tears still fall down my cheeks when I think about it. Magical.

I would also like to acknowledge Jesse Billauer and Life Rolls On. In between sets from the performers, video was shown about Jesse and the foundation where I was moved to tears again. (I am an emotional person). While I knew the story, seeing him there and listening to him tell his story was so powerful and such a testament to what the human spirit is capable of. And we all have this in us. We can spread spirit every day. A kind word, a smile. an I love you. It doesn't always have to be monetary. The human spirit is resilient and has so much to give. We only have to allow it to give. As we were watching the videos, my niece leans over and asks me if we can volunteer. My heart soars. Our children have that spirit in them, so pure and untouched by cynicism. If we provide the tools and teach them, without imposing our own ideas onto them, but rather allowing them to arrive at their own decisions... What an awesome accomplishment! I left once again feeling a grand inspiration!




In Spirit, In Joy,
Darlene

From Paris with Love

It's been awhile since I have written about my travels during my initial year of self discovery. I have been avoiding writing this particular experience, but it is time to let it go. Some back story first.

I never dreamed of going to Paris. I was leery because of all the things that I had heard about the way the French feel about Americans. I don't speak French (although I am hoping to change that with my Rosetta Stone. Thank you Ellen DeGeneres!), so I was afraid of communicating. I had never been to Europe. So many fear factors to consider. So when my then friend started talking about going, I thought that's all it was; Talk. But then I got a phone call from him saying he had found an amazing deal and did I want to go, because he was going. Really, Could I? At this time, I was still married, but separated, not quite ready to let go of my marriage, but not in it either. Limbo status. He asked me to propose the question to our friend Elena (we will go on to travel much more). She said yes. I said yes. We are going to Paris!

We stayed at a great hotel near the Arc de Triomphe. We went to Versailles, the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre, a dinner cruise on the river Seine, a day trip on the Eurostar to London, Disneyland Paris. Amazing. I fell in love with Paris and can't wait to go back. It is the city of lights and love, and my dream is to go their with a new love and picnic with the Eiffel tower as our background, but I digress. Back to reality.


I came to some realizations on this trip. Elena and I travel very well together. I was no longer afraid to try new things. If you approach people with kindness and courtesy, nine times out of ten, they will help you. That is what it means to be compassionate to other humans and the French people were just that. I like to drink wine from the Bordeaux region of France. I felt cool smoking on the Champs Elysees (even though I don't smoke), and I am capable of not being part of a partnership, even though at the time I was still in denial that the marriage had died. It was my first big step in breaking away. There was another realization that started in Paris and ended some weeks later.

While I will not talk about specifics, I had a huge fallout with the third person on our trip. Let me say now I will always be grateful for the lessons that he taught me. I rarely have confrontations with people, but we got into a huge difference of opinion that ended our friendship, and showed me that I am capable of holding onto anger. For awhile. Even today, when we talk about him, I can feel my blood pressure rise slightly or I feel myself becoming defensive. He did teach me many things though and I believe that was his purpose. First and foremost, he gave me Paris. Without his persistence, I wouldn't have made the trip and the subsequent trips I have enjoyed. Secondly, he showed me what I don't want in a relationship. Ever. Again. And lastly he taught me how attached to my ego I was, and how when my character, the very core of my being was attacked, I had the capacity to come out swinging. Not something I'm proud of, but something I acknowledge. I know that this is vague, but I don't feel comfortable giving anymore details. So in writing this today, I officially acknowledge him for what he did for me, and I let go of any residual anger I have. I am blessed for the experience, the lessons and the preparation for the greater shift that was to come.



Mon Amie Paris