I never dreamed of going to Paris. I was leery because of all the things that I had heard about the way the French feel about Americans. I don't speak French (although I am hoping to change that with my Rosetta Stone. Thank you Ellen DeGeneres!), so I was afraid of communicating. I had never been to Europe. So many fear factors to consider. So when my then friend started talking about going, I thought that's all it was; Talk. But then I got a phone call from him saying he had found an amazing deal and did I want to go, because he was going. Really, Could I? At this time, I was still married, but separated, not quite ready to let go of my marriage, but not in it either. Limbo status. He asked me to propose the question to our friend Elena (we will go on to travel much more). She said yes. I said yes. We are going to Paris!
We stayed at a great hotel near the Arc de Triomphe. We went to Versailles, the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre, a dinner cruise on the river Seine, a day trip on the Eurostar to London, Disneyland Paris. Amazing. I fell in love with Paris and can't wait to go back. It is the city of lights and love, and my dream is to go their with a new love and picnic with the Eiffel tower as our background, but I digress. Back to reality.
I came to some realizations on this trip. Elena and I travel very well together. I was no longer afraid to try new things. If you approach people with kindness and courtesy, nine times out of ten, they will help you. That is what it means to be compassionate to other humans and the French people were just that. I like to drink wine from the Bordeaux region of France. I felt cool smoking on the Champs Elysees (even though I don't smoke), and I am capable of not being part of a partnership, even though at the time I was still in denial that the marriage had died. It was my first big step in breaking away. There was another realization that started in Paris and ended some weeks later.
While I will not talk about specifics, I had a huge fallout with the third person on our trip. Let me say now I will always be grateful for the lessons that he taught me. I rarely have confrontations with people, but we got into a huge difference of opinion that ended our friendship, and showed me that I am capable of holding onto anger. For awhile. Even today, when we talk about him, I can feel my blood pressure rise slightly or I feel myself becoming defensive. He did teach me many things though and I believe that was his purpose. First and foremost, he gave me Paris. Without his persistence, I wouldn't have made the trip and the subsequent trips I have enjoyed. Secondly, he showed me what I don't want in a relationship. Ever. Again. And lastly he taught me how attached to my ego I was, and how when my character, the very core of my being was attacked, I had the capacity to come out swinging. Not something I'm proud of, but something I acknowledge. I know that this is vague, but I don't feel comfortable giving anymore details. So in writing this today, I officially acknowledge him for what he did for me, and I let go of any residual anger I have. I am blessed for the experience, the lessons and the preparation for the greater shift that was to come.
Mon Amie Paris
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