What I learned about love...

Tomorrow is 11/11/11.  Veteran's Day as we remember and honor the brave souls who sacrificed for our freedoms. For those of a spiritual propensity, the number 11 can represent many things.  An awakening or awareness.  New beginnings.  Our general connectedness to everyone and everything.  All in all, a very spiritual and loving combination of numbers.  Some people may like the novelty of it, scheduling weddings years in advance.  For me, 11/11/11 will always be remembered for it is the day that I will say good-bye to the most amazing teacher I have ever had.  She has taught me what it means to love without expectation.  To be grateful for all that comes my way.  To stop and realize that life can really be that simple.  All we need is love, and that is all she ever asked for.  Squeaky toys and rawhides were a bonus.

Tomorrow I say good-bye to my rock, my love, my best friend: My beloved Duchess

She came into my life 12 years ago, and boy was she was a handful.  The people who were giving her up said they didn't feel right keeping her in a condo, but they gave her away to people that lived in an apartment?  Personally, I think they couldn't handle her.  She was a rowdy, out of control 3 year old Springer Spaniel.  The first night we had her, she walked through our screen door.  All she needed was a little love and understanding.  We gave her that and she gave it back in more ways than I ever could have imagined.

There are so many things I loved about her and so many things that annoyed me; the true signs of a lifelong love :)  She indulged me when I did this to her:

And I accepted that I could never talk on the phone without her "talking" too.  (Anyone who has ever spoken to me on the phone while I was at home knows exactly what I am talking about!)  Her biggest fault was loving me to much.  And I am forever grateful for that.

What I will always be in debt the most for is the nights where she was there for me, when things in my marriage fell apart, during and after the divorce.  She always knew when something was wrong, and would come and gently lay her head on my lap.  Or when I hugged her to me crying, she would gently kiss my tears away.  Even now, as we cuddled last night and I cried tears for her, she still kissed them gently away, telling me it's going to be okay.

My once vivacious dog, is no longer the joyful, eager, playful girl she used to be.  My sexy senior citizen, is now just thin and weak.  Arthritis has affected her step.  Old age her hearing and her eyesight.  I will miss her cuddling closer on cold nights or pulling the covers down so she can get under them.  I will miss her being angry with me for leaving her when I got home after a trip.  I will cry every time I get out of the shower when I don"t see her standing there waiting for me.  I will trip over my own feet thinking it is her still walking right next to me.

Some say when you see the numbers 11:11 that it can be a hello from the non-physical world.  Angels arrive in our lives all the time, watching over us, taking care of us.  When I see 11:11, I know my angel is saying hello and trying to lick Malcolm while he swats at her.

Duchess,

You remind me every day to love without expectations, without conditions, with your whole heart.  I have been blessed to share your life.  You will always be my angel, my beautiful girl.  I love you with all my heart.

I hope they have a lot of rawhides and squeaky toys in heaven.

Love always,
mama