Reflection

Driving home from my parents' house last night, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love and gratitude. I have this underlying feeling that my family is worried that I may have a meltdown, and I can't blame them. A year ago, things were quite different. I was still married last year and in the middle of a painful separation with all the makings of a dramatic masterpiece. Adultery, lies, humiliation. Sometimes I wonder how that person survived. Well I did. It was a different version of me that got me where I am today. I am happy to report that I think the now me is great!

But, even so, this is my first Christmas in over 12 years without him. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him occasionally. Especially as I decorated my Christmas tree, an event that we shared in joyfully together for so many years.

So this year, I made it a point that I would carry on this tradition because it made me happy in the past. I went and picked out my Christmas tree, loaded it on my car and proceeded to try and put it in the stand. This was the part I had been dreading. How was I going to get this tree to stand by myself? My tree was awesome. I have creatively named him Douglas (as in fir). I placed him in the stand and he stood there, perfectly still, perfectly straight, letting me know that anything is possible if there is hope and love. We went inside after that, and I proceeded to dress him in all the trimmings that once belonged to a couple, but I had now claimed as my own. So as the Three Tenors sang Christmas classics in the background, I placed my Angel atop Douglas and plugged in the lights. Success! My own personal ray of light shining in my living room. I am grateful that he reminds me of my own light inside, and that I can choose to let it shine whenever I want. So that is what I choose now. To send my light to my loving family, my wonderful friends and even to the man who I loved dearly, who is no longer an intrinsic part of my life. For if not for the experience, I wouldn't be the I that I am now. Fortunate indeed. Merry Christmas!



May all your days be bright...

Love D <3